is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
