But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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