well you can't waste a boner
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
