somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
