I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
