I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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