some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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