Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize