I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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