a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
