i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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