WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
