If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize