How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
