i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
