she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
