so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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