My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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