I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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