Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
