yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
