Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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