he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
