it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
