I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
