tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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