You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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