Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
