it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
