need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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