Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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