I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize