This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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