how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
