You really coming over, don't trick.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
