dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
