who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
