maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
