I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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