we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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