I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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