dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
