It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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