Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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