If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
