she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
