Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
