Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
