I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
