I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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