I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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