Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
