I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
