i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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