8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Everything about him screamed your future.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
