Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
is that a dick in a sweater?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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