she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
