Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
