let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
