my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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