people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
