i just sent this text using only my big toe
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
