Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
