Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
