Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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