So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Randomize
