hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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