Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
