1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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