Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
